I will clean my plate of all the reasons I've made up to not get close to others. I have pushed friends I had away, I have pushed people who I know would like to be my friend away. When my Mom died I must have subconsciously decided to never let anyone into my space and to never love some one that much ever again! I think I remember feeling this way a little even when I was in grade school when 2 of my best friends moved away... Anyway, I am conscious of this about myself now and see the craziness of not nurturing my friendships and cherishing them.
So...I will clean my plate of all my excuses.
Has anyone else done this to themselves after losing their Mom, or a dear friend or a pet?
Have a great hair day! Becci
PS. Actually - my husband and my 2 sons came along before this subconscious thing I must have decided and I love my family very very much and show it every chance I get! But I have to say my grandson Bryce came along after my Mom died and as you all know I love him very very much too! I remember while holding him when he was about 2 weeks old it was then that my love for him hit me like a ton of bricks - the love I felt at that moment for this child was so intensely strong!
I looked into his eyes and told him that
I am giving him my heart forever!
Love, Becci
7 comments:
My mother died at 46 - 35 years ago. I still think of her every day - and yes, I think isolation can be a kind of self protection....you're not alone in this way of coping. It never goes away, it just gets easier to manage !
becci - thank you for sharing this personal challenge with us. i would never guess that about you because you popped in here months ago and felt like an old friend. bravo to you for recognizing this out loud and making it a goal to branch out in friendship. you have it in you, we all know that already, and you have so much to offer. you know the saying: better to have loved and lost than.....
xo
This is one of the best clean your plate examples ever....excuses..you really set a high standard here, Becci!
That's one daring and courageous resolution. I do the same thing, only I don't remember when it began, what triggered it. I think for me it's more an outgrowth of a series of events, rather than just one. It's definitely an attempt to stear clear of further emotional pain. I'm behind you on this one, and I send you my highest good wishes for success! Blessings.
Becci, I have to say, I know just what you mean. I have done this twice, and I will always remember it, I will remember those feelings. Thank you for making me aware that we have more in common than we imagine.
Becci - my mom died almost 10 years ago in October. I still think of her - not every day like I use to but I hold her close to my heart. I felt exactly like you do/did and turned my rage on my God. Yes, I also backed away from making new friends. Someone told me that Thanksgiving (I would have spent it with her) losing your mom is one of the toughest losses you will experience in your life. She was the one that nurtured you, she kept things together, she was always there for you no matter what you did. It was a tough loss as was the loss of my beloved Cricket (my baby boy cat) who lived to be only 14. That was in 05 and I did swear that I would never have another pet - and I won't. You take care and thank you so much for sharing since this 10th year anniversary loss for me is coming up, you reminded how I use to feel. Love your blog, Marlynn
Becci,what a courageous post! I lost my Mom last year very suddenly, and my world spun out of control. Relationships,worldview, dreams, aspirations...everything was touched by this one event...I am slowly finding my bearings again, but the longing for someone I loved so much will always be with me. And I know you'll long the same way. That's why we need friends all the more: to share love, hope, faith....faith that love always remains.
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